Connecting

One Plus One is a long-established family relationships counselling service in the UK. It's now on the web and offers resources, information and help to those in this area of need.

However, there's another side to the site, one that's more innovative and which is helping a great number of couples to come to terms with difficulties in the marriage or relationship. This side is called The Couple Connection, and it consists of three primary areas: Check it out, Talk it out and Work it out.

The first area is open to all readers and begins the process of assisting with the relationship by asking a number of basic questions to ascertain where the reader is at. It also warns when the site won't be of help and where professional assistance will be needed.

The second section is for people to write something about their relationship: how they're feeling, what's troubling them, whether their partner is being unfaithful and a good deal more. Other readers can comment on these, and there are always a number of trained counsellors reading through these postings to supply more specific help.

Finally there is the Work it out section. This is a completely private area for each reader, and acts as a place where the writer can post all manner of feelings, rubbish, junk, stuff that's hurting them, that's bugging them and much more. It's a place of catharsis, and many readers say that as they go back and read through this material, they begin to see what the real issues are, and can begin to act on them rather than on the peripheral stuff.

In one way the site is similar to the old 'chat over the fence' approach that probably saved far more marriages than we'll ever know. But by bringing anonymity into the mix, and providing hundreds of other people to offer supportive advice, this makes innovative use of the technology now available.

The Lesson of the Three Monkeys

There's a story about three monkeys sitting under a tree. One of them decides to climb the tree and get a banana. How many monkeys are left sitting under the tree?

Answer: Three. It takes more than a decision to change anything.

As someone who is addicted to having ideas ("Hey, I know! Maybe I could climb that tree and get a banana!"), I understand this story very well. Yes, the idea is important, but things change only when we turn it into action. Speaking of which:

ACTION: Keep a journal of all your ideas so that your mind is encouraged to stay fertile - I believe that if you ignore your ideas, they stop flowing. But also make a firm decision about which ones to act on and then stick with those until you've seen them through.

Courtesy of Jurgen Wolff's Brainstorm E-Bulletin

Photo courtesy of Jeff Jarrett: Barberry Apes from a series of Gibraltar apes