One Plus One is a long-established family relationships counselling service in the UK. It's now on the web and offers resources, information and help to those in this area of need.
However, there's another side to the site, one that's more innovative and which is helping a great number of couples to come to terms with difficulties in the marriage or relationship. This side is called The Couple Connection, and it consists of three primary areas: Check it out, Talk it out and Work it out.
The first area is open to all readers and begins the process of assisting with the relationship by asking a number of basic questions to ascertain where the reader is at. It also warns when the site won't be of help and where professional assistance will be needed.
The second section is for people to write something about their relationship: how they're feeling, what's troubling them, whether their partner is being unfaithful and a good deal more. Other readers can comment on these, and there are always a number of trained counsellors reading through these postings to supply more specific help.
Finally there is the Work it out section. This is a completely private area for each reader, and acts as a place where the writer can post all manner of feelings, rubbish, junk, stuff that's hurting them, that's bugging them and much more. It's a place of catharsis, and many readers say that as they go back and read through this material, they begin to see what the real issues are, and can begin to act on them rather than on the peripheral stuff.
In one way the site is similar to the old 'chat over the fence' approach that probably saved far more marriages than we'll ever know. But by bringing anonymity into the mix, and providing hundreds of other people to offer supportive advice, this makes innovative use of the technology now available.
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Monday, April 19, 2010
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
To those growing older and soon to part
The Presbyterian Church of Aotearoa NZ publishes a monthly magazine called Candour. While it's available online, it's only accessible by a username and password, and obviously I'm not at liberty to pass those onto people reading this blog.
However, I am at liberty to let you know about a particular piece that appeared in the Sept 09 edition. It was written by Rev Jim Battersby, a retired minister living in Auckland.
The piece takes the form of a letter, and is entitled, To those growing older and soon to part.
The letter addresses the issue of how to come to terms with the fact that eventually any couple will be forced to face the issue that one of them will die before the other. This is especially pertinent for those who have been together for many years, and may be in their seventies or eighties or older.
Jim lost his own wife when he was 72 and has been on his own for 11 years. He knows the pain of separation, and the how it feels to cope after the loved one has gone. Suddenly all sorts of household responsibilities fall entirely on one pair of shoulders. Things that were shared have be done by one person alone. Domestic duties effectively double.
But there are other things that aren't so obvious, things that Jim says should be looked at before one or other partner dies. These include where to find important documents (often one person looks after these); how bills are paid, where family records are kept, the addresses of people on one side of the family who may not be so familiar to the other side.
For the wife there may suddenly be issues of maintenance. (In my house this would be no problem as my wife is the one who does most of the maintenance!) For men who have seldom cooked meals, there is the issue of dealing with daily food requirements. There may be a disability one or other spouse has: how will they deal with that when they're alone?
Some people may find it hard to deal with arrangements for a future funeral, but it certainly eases the burden when the day comes if some things are already in place. And then there are those issues that have never properly been resolved. They may still not get entirely cleared, but talking about them before a person dies is better than having them still hanging over you once they've died.
In the space of a couple of pages, Jim covers all these issues and more. I've been given permission by him to email or post copies of his article to anyone interested. Send me an email if you'd like a copy: email mcrowl@gmail.com.
PS. Or you can now find it on my other blog.
However, I am at liberty to let you know about a particular piece that appeared in the Sept 09 edition. It was written by Rev Jim Battersby, a retired minister living in Auckland.
The piece takes the form of a letter, and is entitled, To those growing older and soon to part.
The letter addresses the issue of how to come to terms with the fact that eventually any couple will be forced to face the issue that one of them will die before the other. This is especially pertinent for those who have been together for many years, and may be in their seventies or eighties or older.
Jim lost his own wife when he was 72 and has been on his own for 11 years. He knows the pain of separation, and the how it feels to cope after the loved one has gone. Suddenly all sorts of household responsibilities fall entirely on one pair of shoulders. Things that were shared have be done by one person alone. Domestic duties effectively double.
But there are other things that aren't so obvious, things that Jim says should be looked at before one or other partner dies. These include where to find important documents (often one person looks after these); how bills are paid, where family records are kept, the addresses of people on one side of the family who may not be so familiar to the other side.
For the wife there may suddenly be issues of maintenance. (In my house this would be no problem as my wife is the one who does most of the maintenance!) For men who have seldom cooked meals, there is the issue of dealing with daily food requirements. There may be a disability one or other spouse has: how will they deal with that when they're alone?
Some people may find it hard to deal with arrangements for a future funeral, but it certainly eases the burden when the day comes if some things are already in place. And then there are those issues that have never properly been resolved. They may still not get entirely cleared, but talking about them before a person dies is better than having them still hanging over you once they've died.
In the space of a couple of pages, Jim covers all these issues and more. I've been given permission by him to email or post copies of his article to anyone interested. Send me an email if you'd like a copy: email mcrowl@gmail.com.
PS. Or you can now find it on my other blog.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Leadership is Leadership, in whatever sphere
In the latest NZ Institute of Management newsletter there's a short piece on some master classes held by visiting speaker, Paul Aitken (the author of Developing Change Leaders). Aitken calls the following ten points the 'dynamic capabilities' needed by change leaders.
1. Dealing with ambivalence – having the capacities to “wait and see”, keep an open mind and be comfortable with contradiction;
2. Accessing the diverse range of capabilities across the leadership team;
3. Creating a learning environment;
4. Future sense-making combined with strategic thinking which requires a strong external focus;
5. “Total” or authentic leadership – ie, an ability to continually walk the talk;
6. Trans-cultural competence – an awareness that one size doesn’t fit all;
7. Relational skills – the ability to coach;
8. Dialogue skills – or process consulting;
9. Emotional intelligence;
10. The ability to manage the high quality performance challenge, culture and dialogue.
Aitken says, If people can’t relate well or have quality conversations with people, then they’re not going to be leading anyone. Church leaders, take note!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Charles Slagle
If the promises I whispered to your heart were, as you have feared, merely the wishful thoughts of your mind, then why the fruit? Do you not see that even today you are in the midst of the fulfilment of My words? Rejoice! All promises are, at this very moment, in process.
Charles Slagle, From the Father's Heart, page 43.
Slagle's book is a little gem. We often use it in the National Mission Office as a starter for our team prayer times. It consists of a series of encouraging letters from God, and though the language and approach is down-to-earth, there are some great insights into the relationship God has with us. Though published in 1989, the book appears to be still in print, and a new edition was announced for this year.
Charles Slagle, From the Father's Heart, page 43.
Slagle's book is a little gem. We often use it in the National Mission Office as a starter for our team prayer times. It consists of a series of encouraging letters from God, and though the language and approach is down-to-earth, there are some great insights into the relationship God has with us. Though published in 1989, the book appears to be still in print, and a new edition was announced for this year.
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