Croucher retreats

Rowland Croucher writes in an email today:

For the first time in twenty years, I'm taking an extended sabbatical. I won't be answering the phone, but will occasionally check emails and Facebook for anything needing urgent attention.

What will I do? First, spend some time in solitude and prayer. I'm booking into a Retreat centre to do that - and will probably return there - or to other solitary places - from time to time.

If I get a green light (from God!), I'm probably going to write a Blog later in this sabbatical, then maybe a book (which will include some of your helpful feedback), on the Top Ten (?) Questions pastors ask: The key six these days relate to Stress/Burnout, Homosexuality, Marriage/Relationship issues, Hermeneutics (The Bible: Fundamentalism vs Jesus Seminar etc.), Islam, Effective Leadership and Conflict Resolution - a sort of updated series of 'Grid' leadership articles, like we produced with the help of World Vision back in the 80s and early 90s.

Note the item that's first on his Top Ten Questions.

Resources for Youth workers

There's a post on the Sophia Network (written, I think, by Jonny Baker - nope, by Jenny Baker [see the comment below]) which begins: Had a fantastic weekend at Youthwork the Conference where the theme was surrender. It was great to have lots of time to linger and talk to people over the weekend, after sessions and in coffee breaks. And wonderful to see so many gifted women contributing to the programme - Danielle Strickland, Rachel Gardner, Vicky Beeching, Abby Guinness, Helen Millward among others.

Hmm, that's interesting, you say....NOT! But wait, there's more. In the rest of the post 'Jonny' provides various resources for youth on such issues as:


Eating Disorders
Rites of passage for boys (based on the life of Jesus) and some contact names regarding ministering to boys.
Toxic relationships between boys and girls
Body image.


All of these have an underlying mission focus, and are worth following up on.

Dealing with the Silence

Peter Bregman, who's one of my favourite writers on the Harvard Business Review site has written a piece called How to Handle Silence, the Worst Kind of Feedback.

It’s a follow-up to an article he published the week before called, When Your Voicemails and Emails Go Unanswered, What Should You Do? In both pieces he discusses the problems – and insecurities - that arise when you’re trying to get a response from someone who doesn’t regard responding as essential to a business relationship.

While one person feels that it’s merely good manners to respond, the other thinks ‘just’ responding for the sake of letting someone know you’re still out there and working on the issue is a waste of time.

Both these pieces make good reading, in terms of relationships in general.

Church Growth Principles Remain

In an article entitled The Top Five Church Growth Principles, by Charles Arn (the son of Win Arn), briefly discusses the five main reasons why churches grow. It isn't programmes (we knew that, didn't we?); it isn't sound and light and huge displays of talent (of course!); it isn't a host of other things we've come up with over the years.

The five things are simple, and have been with us for a long time:

1. Disciple-making is the priority. Yup, that's what churches are there for.
2. Social networks are the vehicle - and while Mr Arn probably doesn't mean virtual social networks, it's that old connection of people to people that counts.
3. Felt needs are the connecting point. Starting where people are at...
4. Relationships are the glue. Being connected to people in the church is what stops people sliding out the back door.
5. Transitions provide the window of opportunity. When someone's going through a crisis, then they need Christ.

The links throughout are people, community, friendships, caring for others, love. Pretty simple, really. Now, go forth and multiply!

Happiness is as happiness does

According to the latest UMR survey, the happiest men in the country are in the Nelson/Marlborough region, and the happiest women come from the Bay of Plenty. Wellingtonians, however, are the least happy people in the country.

Interestingly, people on less than $20,000 a year are slightly happier than those earning between $70,000 and $100,00. People earning over $100,000 are the happiest of the lot. People in the middle income brackets ($30-70,000), however, are the least happy. (Which probably shouldn't come as much of a surprise: they'll be the ones trying to bring up a family, pay off a mortgage and so on.)

Wellington.Scoop reports: The key things that make people happy are their relationships with their family and friends and their job. For women, the relationship with their family and children is a far more significant factor in their happiness than it is for men. However, for men their relationship with their spouse or partner, control over their life or destiny, recreation time and hobbies are more important than they are for women.

UMR finds that people are less happy than they were when the previous survey was done in 2007/8, and that overall, females are happier than males. People in mid-life are less happy than the young or old (which is hardly a revelation - who has all the responsibility?!), and ethnically, Maori and Europeans were the happiest groups, with Asians the least happy. (However, with a large number of people classifying themselves as 'other,' ethnically, this area of the survey is somewhat skewed.)

Another not-surprising point: widow(ers) and married people were happier than single and divorced, though there might be a certain irony in the fact that widowers were little happier than widows, and married women were a little happier than married men. Curiously women in de facto relationships were happier than men in the same boat. Which seems almost at odds with how people in these relationships are generally viewed.

People living without children are happier than those living with children. At first this seems a point that doesn't bode well for our future, until you realise that it's the lack of dependent children that makes people happier.

And just to prove that we're a quirky lot: Labour voters are happier than National voters. Go figure.

UMR comes to this conclusion: If you want to keep happy through the recession – socialise, keep in close touch with family or friends, have an interest in sports, a hobby or the arts and feel good about yourself.

Where would we fit in, as a Church, on the happiness scale?

Photo by Jill Greenseth from 'Four Happy People'

When they will not come

David Fitch always seems to have some good things to say - whether you agree with them or not. In a recent post he discusses When They Will Not Come, and the whole matter of the attractional/non-attractional church. He also looks at whether you should chase people who visit a couple of times and don't return. Should visitors necessarily feel 'instantly' at home? It's not likely, he says, given that they're coming into a formed community that has history, relationships and a host of other connections. Are welcome teams really an ideal way to greet newcomers/visitors? He talks about the value of the Sunday morning gathering, and the way in which people who come to church eventually have to decide whether they'll make a commitment there. And he talks about hospitality.

It's not a long post, but it's worth a read.

Real Relationships

The Maxim Institute reports:
The British based Relationships Foundation has released a new pamphlet, estimating "the financial cost of failure" in families and relationships. Taking into account measures such as "lone parent benefits," costs in "health and social care" and "housing," as well as related social services, When Relationships Go Wrong: Counting the cost of family failure puts the cost of "relationship breakdown" at a massive £37 billion. Warning against a "focus solely on economic concerns at the expense of relationships," the Foundation calls for a policy, and a culture, which prioritises relationships, and "greater wellbeing."

The massive figure, based on more detailed calculations in the pamphlet, is food for thought enough. But it is the companion pamphlet, When Relationships Go Right: Enabling thriving lives, which contains a fruitful metaphor when it comes to the debate on family. It draws a parallel between "the wellbeing agenda" and the green movement, hoping that, just as politicians and wider culture have come to prioritise the environment, so also will government and society come to prioritise relationships and "wellbeing." The pamphlet offers a number of examples of what this might look like, from the greater use of "health visitors" and "district nurses," to proposals that encourage healthy work-life balance through things such as cutting travel time.

Read the rest of Maxim's comments here; When Relationships Go Right is the second half of the pdf file link above.

A 'sticky' church

Larry Osborne talks about why his church is 'sticky' - that is, it keeps the people it gains.

We work hard to minister to the people we have. We want to serve their spiritual needs incredibly well and do it in a way that their non-Christian friends can easily understand. As a result, they tend to spontaneously invite their friends and co-workers. We've never had to ask or persuade them to do so. They just do it.

We've also learned to slam the back door shut by providing opportunities for people to develop deep and long-term spiritual relationships. Rather than trying to pretend that everyone can care for everyone, we've created lots of relational pods where people are velcroed together by the kind of authentic friendships that can only be found in smaller and more stable settings. And these kinds of relationships have proven to be incredibly sticky.

and

I’d also regularly take a gut check to make sure that I haven’t fallen into the trap of viewing the people I have as tools to reach the people I want to reach. If we aren’t caring for the ones we already have, why should God send any more our way?

Osborne has more to say about small groups in particular, and also throws in a little plug for his new book, Sticky Church.

Male-bashing

Let’s have some sanity in the campaign against domestic violence, by Bill Ralston.

Ralston may not be everyone's cup of tea, and some of his opinion columns that have been appearing in the NZ Listener in the last few months probably irritate more than a few people.

This particular column begins:

Recently you might have noticed people wandering about wearing white ribbons in solidarity with the UN’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. Men wear them to show that they do not tolerate or condone violence against women. Presumably if you don’t wear a ribbon, it shows that you do condone and tolerate it, in which case Auckland males must be wickedly violent because I never saw any of them wearing a ribbon.

In New Zealand, White Ribbon Day was just one of the 16 days of Activism Against Gender Violence that finish on December 10. The gender violence it refers to is violence by the male gender against the female gender.

It's an interesting essay on how statistics can be manipulated by people with different agendas, and while Ralston certainly doesn't condone violence against women, he wants the figures to be looked at a little more carefully.